In the past, back-to-school season meant new clothes for the kids, stacks of paperwork for me and a feeling of excitement. This year, it's a feeling of dread. Like a shadow on the horizon, it keeps getting darker and closer. Each night, I hold my daughter a little tighter -- knowing what's coming. Praying that the world will love her for who she is.
Step one will be next Monday when we have the school in service. I can't go -- they want participants to be able to speak freely. But I'm going to know they're all in the school -- all talking about us. Judging my baby. Judging our family. I makes me sick to my stomach, but I try not to show it to the kids.
On the bright side, it's happening on my sister's birthday. I know she will be watching over us, and I don't think it's an accident that date was chosen.
In the middle of all this, we found Finn's birthmother and birth family. By accident, really. But it's been something I've wanted for him for years. Both Ale and Jess have blood relatives they know of. Not Finn. So by using a little cyberdetective work, I found Finn's birthmother. I am so happy for him and for her -- I feel like I have done my job as an adoptive parent to make that connection. But the emotional roller-coaster ride just took a few more steep dips and turns that I didn't need just now.
Please send us good thoughts in the coming weeks. Pray that everything goes smoothly and that my daughter's heart isn't hurt.
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ReplyDeleteI thought you had said earlier that the principal did not want the in service. Did she change her mind? Did the group you had spoken with contact her? It is really great that they are doing it -- I assume that support group is involved with the in service session? I hope so, so you have someone who is definitely "on your side."
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