I've been having serious talks with Jackson and Rosi about how they absolutely can not tease Cole about his girl stuff. They know that there will be serious consequences for such actions. I have told them how we are a team, and we have to support one another. We have discussed how your feelings -- such as feeling like you are a girl -- is something that you can't change about yourself. We've discussed how making fun of something you can't change about yourself is cruel. We've discussed transgender and how it is something you are born with -- as well as the difference between transgender and homosexual (that part discussed with Rosi only, who was grilling Cole about whether he liked boys or girls). And I thought everyone was on board and understood how important supporting Cole was no matter what. I was wrong.
Rosi apparently told my nanny yesterday that she will never accept Cole as a girl. When I asked her about it, she told me she thought it was weird and that she didn't want to talk about it any more. This is the same girl who, on Sunday night, was giving her old girl clothes to Cole. So I am thinking that the support that she has been showing him is coming more from the desire to please me than actually supporting him. And how foolish was I to think that a twelve-year-old could grasp a concept that has been and continues to be so difficult for me to understand.
So I'm going to make an appointment for Rosi with the therapist. I knew this would impact all of my children, but I didn't realize that it already had. Bad mom.
It's still new to her (as it is for all of you). I am sure Rosi will get there.
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not a bad mom, so don't beat yourself up. This is just a bump on the long and uncertain road of parenting. Rosi is at that awkward tween/teen age where something as minor as taking the "wrong" color backpack to school is horrifying. She's probably having conflicting feelings, so taking her to a therapist is a great idea. I so admire you and your courage and honesty in sharing your journey. :)
ReplyDeleteYou could never be considered a bad mom!! I admire your strength and courage to help Cole find his way through this and also while helping Rosi and Jackson make the adjustments as well. You are a terrific person, with a loving heart and your kids are so lucky to have you as their mother!! I am honored to have you as a friend. I applaud your honesty in sharing this journey.
ReplyDeleteJeez, Marj, it's been a week and people aren't adjusted yet??? You must be doing something wrong......
ReplyDeleteUm. Nope. You can't possibly anticipate every change of mood, and maybe she was on board, at the moment you talked about it. But then-- she's twelve, she's changing so fast.
I know the feeling though, of "Okay-- everything stay put right now," Never happens - not with the laundry and certainly not with messy things like emotions. Deep breaths. Stay with it. That's all you can do.
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